A woman walks into a bar wearing a tank top and a skirt. She has the hairiest armpits Charlie, the bartender, has ever seen. She sits at the bar next to Joe, a regular. He says , "Hey Charlie, give this lovely ballerina a drink on me."
She says thank you, has her drink, and Joe says again, "Charlie, get the ballerina another!" She thanks him again, finishes her drink and leaves.
Charlie then leans in, "Joe, that was real nice of you. Now tell me, how did you know she was a ballerina?
Joe says "Son, only a ballerina can lift her legs that high."
Walking on Water
The first man to walk on water was Jesus Christ.
Second was the Apostle Peter.
The third was this guy!
Toby Kieth
"I ain't as good as I once was / But I'm as good once as I'll ever be."
- As Good As I Once Was
"Don't want know one to know
That I tried to drink her skinny but she's still about 215
Sometimes you got to bow up
And take one for the team"
- Runnin' Block
"Do blondes really have more fun,
or they just easier to spot in the dark?"
- Just The Guy To Do It
"I sobered up, and I got to thinkin',
you ain't much fun since I quit drinkin'"
- You Aint Much Fun
- As Good As I Once Was
"Don't want know one to know
That I tried to drink her skinny but she's still about 215
Sometimes you got to bow up
And take one for the team"
- Runnin' Block
"Do blondes really have more fun,
or they just easier to spot in the dark?"
- Just The Guy To Do It
"I sobered up, and I got to thinkin',
you ain't much fun since I quit drinkin'"
- You Aint Much Fun
Coppin' A 'Tude
* I don't look busy because I did it right the first time.
* How can I miss you if you won't go away?
* How can I miss you if you won't go away?
Women: On Men
*So many men, so few can afford me.
*Coffee, chocolate, men . . . the richer the better!
*Coffee, chocolate, men . . . the richer the better!
Bob Hope Quips
ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL: "I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it."
ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR: "Welcome to the Academy Awards, or as it's called at my house . . . Passover."
ON TURNING 70: "I still chase women, just downhill."
ON 80: "That's the time in your life whe your birthday suit needs pressing."
ON 90: "You know you're getting old whenthe candles cost more than the cake."
ON 100: "I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel much of anything until noon and then it's time for my nap."
ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR: "Welcome to the Academy Awards, or as it's called at my house . . . Passover."
ON TURNING 70: "I still chase women, just downhill."
ON 80: "That's the time in your life whe your birthday suit needs pressing."
ON 90: "You know you're getting old whenthe candles cost more than the cake."
ON 100: "I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel much of anything until noon and then it's time for my nap."
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